Perfectionism in Parenting: Overcoming the Negative Impact

by Blog Contributor | July 2, 2024 | parenting | 0 Comments

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Perfectionism in parenting can be detrimental to both the parent and the child. Let’s explore the negative impact and discuss how parents can overcome these challenges.

Perfectionism in parenting can affect both parents and children, which can negatively impact the whole family. Often, parents, driven by their deep desire for the best for their children, may have a skewed understanding of ‘the best,’ which can lead to unrealistic expectations and inadvertently place pressure on both themselves and their children. Because parents yearn for more and the best, this eventually leads to a destructive juncture.

Understanding that ‘the best’ doesn’t always mean perfection can help parents redefine their expectations and adopt a more balanced approach to parenting.

Additionally, the controlling and demanding nature of parents can make it difficult for children to meet unrealistic standards, such as always getting the highest grades, never making mistakes, or constantly excelling in extracurricular activities. These standards instill in children a sense of discouragement that they will never be good enough. Along with that, the parents’ frustration and fear for their children’s welfare are present. They become severely anxious and worrisome about their children’s perception of them as incompetent parents.

Furthermore, there’s more to this negative impact that we will explore further. As we can clearly discern, both parents and children suffer from parental perfectionism. It is important to address this matter and recognize ways to overcome the problem.

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We highly recommend reading Lynda Drake’s The Power of Imperfect Parents to capture the true essence of being a parent and how to effectively handle perfectionism in parenting. This book will empower you with the knowledge and tools to be the best parent you can be without the burden of perfection.

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The Negative Impact of Parental Perfectionism on Children

The image of a perfect family, often portrayed in the media and reinforced by societal norms, seems to blur the essence of a happy family. This perfectionism may be fueled by media depictions of flawless parenting and societal norms that pressure the parents to conform to unrealistic standards.

Parental perfectionism not only contributes to stress for parents but also has detrimental consequences, particularly for children. These can manifest in various ways, negatively affecting the children’s mental and emotional health. That said, the way they think and react to certain situations as they grow up can also be significantly influenced.

Furthermore, children will feel the immense need to excel in every aspect, sparked by parental perfectionism. This could lead to anxiety and the fear of failure or simply making mistakes. This deep-seated fear of committing flaws can hinder the children’s willingness to take risks. Along with that is the constant self-criticism they place upon themselves, destroying their self-esteem and self-worth. Children will end up feeling inadequate in everything and that they will never be good enough.

Their creativity and imagination can also be heavily impacted, considering their fixated goal of flawlessness and perfectionism in performance. They become enclosed by standards and such, holding them back from spontaneity in their lives.

This adds to their difficulty in handling criticisms, which can poison their confidence and resilience. This negative impact can deteriorate their ability to socially foster in the community and disrupt their ability to communicate with others.

In totality, the parent-child relationship will be rusted from all these unattainable standards or expectations, guilt and stress, and damaging consequences fueled by no other than parental perfectionism.

Embracing Imperfection: How to Overcome Parental Perfectionism?

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• Communication

Clear and effective communication should be observed between you and your child without boundaries. You can show your vulnerable side as a parent who yearns for nothing but the best for their child. Openness when it comes to communicating and active listening should also be incorporated.

• Balance

Strive to avoid being too controlling, critical, or overprotective of children. There should be a proper balance between wanting your child to prosper in many ways and allowing them to experience life their way.

• Acceptance

Teach children to be tolerant and learn from their mistakes. Accept that your child is just a human, too, so they can make mistakes. Humans are not perfect beings. Instead, let them learn from these mistakes and encourage them to strive better next time with consideration of their feelings and thoughts.

• Compassion

Place yourself in their shoes and understand that they can fall from the obstacles they encounter. Be empathetic and show you care and love them no matter what.

• Hard work

Emphasize the importance of hard work and discipline over the pursuit of perfection. Acknowledge that your child tried their best. Celebrate small victories.

• Prioritize Yourself Too and Practice Self-Care

Remember to also consider your feelings and thoughts as parents because what you are enduring for your children matters, and your stresses are valid. Provide time to pamper yourself and release the strains from parental perfectionism. Be kind to yourself, and don’t be overly critical.